scribbling in the margins

I am a sinner redeemed. washed. and cleansed by the blood of the Lamb of God.

Keep Calm and Carry On

Sometimes I find it hard to breathe.

There are moments when I push through every emotion and doubt until I railroad them to the ground. And then..

then there are moments when I can barely bring myself to move passed them.

Under all the excitement and all the anticipation is this fear that is overwhelming and it eats away at me inside like a hunger that can’t be satisfied.

I’m afraid.

I’m afraid and the general response is always, “Don’t be.”

If only it were a switch that I could just switch off, but it’s not. Confidence and faith are two of the hardest things to keep a hold on because as humans we are susceptible to the lies and deception of Satan. Just like Eve we are tempted away from trusting in God’s plan and as much as I know what my response to such temptations should be I can’t sustain them.

I just can’t.

This should be a time of reflection and pride over the years and countless hours I spent working hard and doing everything I could to finish what I started.

The sweat and the tears and the mind power it took to push through every obstacle and keep my foot solidly on the ground.

But as I stand here, nearly eleven hours away from my final hours as an undergraduate, all that comes to mind is everything I failed at.

All the opportunities I missed. All the things I didn’t learn. All the things I am still unqualified for because of my age, my status, my lack of wisdom.

As “impressive” as everything I have done may seem
what is weighing down on me is the doubts that still come:
"Are you sure you can do it?" "I don’t think what you’re saying is right." "Maybe I’ll ask someone else."

I just…

I feel like I’m drowning in a sea of uncertainty that should make me turn to Christ and rest in Him.
That’s the right answer! That’s what should be happening. But it’s not and I don’t know why.

"Just stop."

"Just pray."

"Don’t be afraid."

"How can you be scared?"

"Just trust."

It all sounds so easy and yet it’s so not.

"It was the end of a decade, but the start of an age”

[.my.corner.]

She shut her eyes and let the music take her, the words wrapping around and hugging her to them until she swore she could feel their warmth throughout her entire body. She swayed along with the music, letting it guide her movement like puppet strings, but she didn’t feel out of control. No. She felt free. Ready to fly as she stretched her arms out wide and let the melody carry her spirit above her body, into the air.

”Long, long live the walls we crashed through
How the kingdom lights shined just for me and you
I was screaming long live all the magic we made
And bring on all the pretenders
I’m not afraid

Singing, long live all the mountains we moved
I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you
I was screaming long live the look on your face
And bring on all the pretenders
One day we will be remembered”

Things have gotten a little crazy…


i’ll update soon, but for right now I just gotta take a step back, breathe, and figure out my life.

love it.

Finals are OVER!!!! hallelujah.

bailkay:

I SURVIVED FINALS WEEK FALL 2011!!!!!!!!

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(Source: confessionsofbaileykay)

(Source: forgetactuality, via dilemmaemma)

Anonymous asked: Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I thank God for letting me meet someone like you :D

aw…that’s so sweet. Thank you this was such a blessing to me. =]

When a child is aborted.

That child is not sad.
That child is not angry.
That child is not wondering what kind of life he could of lived.
That child does not think, “Mother, why did you not love me?
That child is not thinking at all.

The only people it immediately affects, are the parents.
It’s their decision, no one else’s.”

You’re right. The kid was never given a chance to decide…anything. All of the kid’s choices were taken away because the kid doesn’t count as a “real” person and because he/she isn’t “immediately” affected. Right…. yeah. That’s totally fair. The lesser of two evils…is still evil. (via itsasecretlife)

What you should have gotten out of that is that it isn’t the same thing. It can’t feel, or think and it’s not aware that it even exists. Do you mourn every bacteria when you wash your hands? Probably not, but it’s just as alive as the fetus is.

You’re right in that it’s a potential life, but so is sperm so is the ova. So many pregnancies end in miscarriage so early the pregnant person doesn’t even notice they were ever pregnant.

There are so many real lives that have already started out there that desperately need your empathy and help. So many hungry stomachs and sleeping outside in the rain and dying of preventable or treatable diseases. These people are already alive and capable of GREAT things. They feel pain, and despair and their stomachs rumble. They have dreams and goals and loved ones and you’re fighting a hyped up cause fueled by misinformation and spread through fear and confusion.

You’re grossly disrespecting the pregnant person by telling them you don’t think their reason is good enough or you don’t think they can make their own choices about their body. You’ve been mislead into believing it’s a ‘child’, a bubbly baby, but it isn’t. It’s potentially that, but not yet.

I honestly used to believe all of that. When I finally swallowed my pride and learned more I was very embarrassed. It really was so hard to admit I was wrong at first, but I am such a better person because of all I’ve learned as a result.
(via fuckyeahchoice)

When I wrote my response to this quote I wasn’t “telling [a pregnant person that I] don’t think their reason is good enough” or that i “think they can’t make their own choices about their body.” that wasn’t my intent and I see now I should have expounded, but here is what I think:

I understand what the post was trying to say. A fetus, at conception has not developed any sort of process of feeling or thought so it pales in comparison to the life that is greatly affected by it’s existence. But to dismiss it as unimportant or equate it to a a bacteria is, in my opinion, wrong. “It can’t feel, or think and it’s not aware that it even exists.” But it exists. When does lack of awareness constitute someone’s right to be alive?

“You’re right in that it’s a potential life, but so is sperm so is the ova.” A sperm or an ova are potential life, but until they combine they will be nothing but a sperm and an ova. A fetus is the combination of a sperm and an ova, it is more than potential life, it is the basis of life.

“So many pregnancies end in miscarriage so early the pregnant person doesn’t even notice they were ever pregnant. ”

I’ll admit, that’s true. But again, unawareness doesn’t eliminate the fact that it happened. And how many of those women, if they knew they were pregnant, wouldn’t feel something for that child? Even more than that, what about the pregnancies in which women were aware and still miscarried. I’ve seen those instances destroy men and women, destroy marriages, destroy lives. When a mother mourns her miscarriage would you say to her, “why are you mourning? Do you mourn for every bacteria when you wash your hands?” No, because, they’ve lost something. Something has been taken away and I wonder how many of them would have chosen to keep their baby if they had the chance.

“There are so many real lives that have already started out there that desperately need your empathy and help. So many hungry stomachs and sleeping outside in the rain and dying of preventable or treatable diseases. These people are already alive and capable of GREAT things. They feel pain, and despair and their stomachs rumble. They have dreams and goals and loved ones and you’re fighting a hyped up cause fueled by misinformation and spread through fear and confusion.”

My opinions on pro-life don’t hinder me from acknowledging that there are people out there who need help now. And to assume that this is the only thing on my mind is “grossly disrespecting” to me. I know about people suffering. I’ve seen it. But this isn’t an either/or kind of thing. To have empathy for a fetus doesn’t mean I don’t have empathy for the rest people on this Earth who need help. And, as far as this “hyped up cause fueled by misinformation and spread through fear and confusion” posting my opinion doesn’t shadow the fact that me and my family do all we can to help those who are need. For us, our hearts go out to to the people of the Philippines, because that’s where my family is from. We send money and clothes and food and books. Everything we can to our contacts there to help those in the Provinces who are struggling, You don’t have to tell me that there are people out there who need help. I know.

So, I would ask that assumptions not be made of me as I apologize for sounding presumptuous and not being clear of my intentions to start with.

The reason why the original post bothered me was because in it’s move to highlight the importance of the parent’s choice it dismissed the child. And yes, you could continually argue back and forth with me on whether or not the fetus is a child, but I still think it’s wrong. No child should ever be dismissed, even if they don’t realize they are being dismissed.

(via itsasecretlife)

(via itsasecretlife)

(Source: myvisualthings, via imgfave)

louiealota:

kimdash:

oh hell no what the fuck

what the fuck!

totally used to play this game at school.

(Source: nowheretobeseen)